it's so sad isn't it? unreciprocated love...

he's always been there; she just ignored his presence.

it all started out with a phone call. he was just asking her about her work schedule and they just started talking about everything under the sun. it was great. both were open enough to discuss each other's lives. hence, bridging the gap that once was. and every night, he would find an excuse to call her. eventually, he ran out of excuses and just said, "can't i call you?"

she just said, "erm, ok..."

nights would always end off with her wanting him to put down the phone first and vice versa. he loves to hear her say good night in the Chinese way, thinking she sounds real sweet when she's saying that. he loves to see her in skirts, loves to see her tie her hair up in a ponytail. but she rarely does that, and he wonders why.

after work, they would go out for dinner together, taking the same bus.
he would sit next to her, hoping that she wouldn't take out her discman to listen, hoping that the bus ride would give him a chance to know her better, to let her know him better.

he's really happy when he finds out that she loves to take bus rides.
especially those pro-longed bus rides. she just loves to sit in the bus, to think or just to stone.

when she's on the bus with him, she just refuses to doze off. perhaps, at that point in time, she already liked him and didn't want to show her ugly side of herself. and even on the bus, as they chatted, they would begin bickering, and he would always give in to her. even if she's being extremely unfair and just throwing tantrums, he would give in just to see her smile again. and when she refuses to forgive him, he would despair, sitting there, not knowing what to do. his heart bleeding, and she wouldn't know. she was too selfish, perhaps to the extent that she was like 'torturing' him. the silence would eat at him, gnawing his heart but he's still at a loss.

but she wasn't really angry, and even if she was, she would be alright in awhile. but sometimes, given her playful nature, she just likes to pretend that she is and see his reaction. unknowingly, it warms her heart that he cares for her and that someone actually loves her.
his perseverance, his persistence is melting down her thick walls, those she built around her heart. but she didn't know.

at times, he would hint to her, observing her reaction. at times, she would test him, doing silly stuff like talking about her old crushes or talking about some cute guy she saw. he would remain silent. he didn't know what to say. he wanted to tell her he loves her, but perhaps he himself didn't know it at that point in time. didn't know she was the one causing his mood swings, causing his heart to thump quickly when he sees her. initially, she didn't really get it, it was till a much later part did she get it. she was just too self-centered.

after work, after dinner, he would send her home without fail. initially, she wouldn't allow him to. her house is not that near to his and she wouldn't want him to waste money on cab fare in case it’s too late. furthermore, he's not her boyfriend. he's not obliged to do so. after some persistence on his part and relenting on hers, he sent her home every night.

after work, they would do what couples do; watching movies, playing pool or just walking around. he would grab at any chance to go out with her and accommodate her. all his other appointments are pushed away and he would always leave his Saturdays open for her. even when she's not free, he would just stay at home, hoping by any chance she would call and ask if he wants to go out. he's given up on asking her out on Saturdays, her answers were always indefinite or refusal. he didn't want to show his disappointment and hence gave up asking. he didn't mind just meeting her to send her home, seeing her is enough. he wants to be there for her, to hold her when she's scared, to wipe her tears when she's sad, to hug her when she's down. just being there for her is enough. but she didn't know.

he gave up alot of things for her. smoking was something he did on a frequent basis. however, just after a plea from her, he stopped. he didn't treat his mom well back then, always taking her for granted. she was the only one who has managed to make him change his attitude towards his mom, and make him stop smoking. he changed so much for her, but she didn't know.

in between all these, he had to go back in for reservist. thinking that for that one whole week, he would not be able to see her, he was rather down, close to being devastated. but she agreed to come out during one of the days when he was able to book out early. wearing his army uniform, he waited for her. he wanted to treat her to something good. they ate and walked around. after some time, she insisted he go home to rest. she could tell that he's tired. he wanted to send her home, to see more of her. but she refused to let him. she knows he's tired. before he went off, he said he's really happy that day, because he saw her. he smiled cheerfully, and went off. but this was the last time they really went out on a date.

one saturday afternoon, both were at home messaging each other. she was going to quit work and start school in a week's time. he felt very apprehensive about it. to him, she's the prettiest girl he's ever met and to him, she'd definitely have queues of suitors going after her. he didn't want to lose her. finally, through sms, he told her he loved her, that he's never felt this way before and please could they be together? he had a feeling that he wouldn't get a positive reply. after all, they are from two different groups of people. she seems so smart to him, so different from him and so academically inclined. he's been prolonging the idea of getting a degree but after knowing her, he was almost on the track to getting signed onto a programme. he felt inferior to her, that he might not deserve her, but felt he should give it a try.

she didn't reply to his sms for hours and hours. he was tensed that whole afternoon, walking up and down the whole house, not knowing what he was doing. he just did everything absentmindedly, sitting in front of the tv, with the tv switched off. his handphone was just placed in front of him all the time, he just sat there, waiting for it to ring, to vibrate. dinner came and went, and there was still no reply. finally, he could take it no more and messaged her, asking if she could just reply, the contents are not that important, not yet. her reply came soon after that, asking him if he's joking and told him not to fool her anymore. at the back of her mind, she knew he likes her. but she didn't believe in the word 'love'. she just doesn't believe in it. that was one of the reasons why she was so repelled by the message. she was lost too. didn't know what to reply.

however, her selfishness cost her. she thought she didn't like him. wanting to test herself, when school restarted, she cut off all contacts from him. refusing to pick up his calls, not replying his sms unless absolutely necessary. he finally got the hint, and they slowly drifted apart. she didn't miss him during those weeks when they had no contact. he did miss her. but he could do nothing about it, she just refused to meet up with him. he knows by forcing her, she would be angry. he knows where she lives, but if he goes down to wait for her, he knows she'd never be talking to him again. so their love story was left hanging, without much of an opening and no closing.

a couple of months later, he met this girl from work who was willing to be there for him. his broken heart needed mending and the girl was willing to mend it for him. they grew closer and eventually, got together. what he didn't know is that she was already regretting, and wants to be together with him. she was already on the verge of telling him her decision when she heard news of him being together with another girl. heart broken as she was, there was nothing she could do. she let him go. she literally pushed him away. she broke his heart. all she could do was to see them walking closely together, holding hands and looking lovingly into each other's eyes. it could have been her. but she was too selfish, thinking of only herself. he didn't know anything of her change of mind, so treated her as normal, but it wasn't like before. he didn't want to fall for her again when he's attached; he's got his principles. all she could do was to think of all those if-onlys and regret. it is all too late. her selfishness has cost her. her distrust, the walls she built around her heart cost her.

he's found his girl but she is still there, pinning for the love that could have been but never will be.