Perpetual Lies

A mirror of deceit, a mirage of lies.
An image of distorted truths, of empty promises left unkept.
Like the wheels of a mighty windmill, scheming distorted minds chuggled.
Like an ignorant hurricane, paying no heed to damages.

Spinning the mind, distorting logic and reason,
Twirling ugly lies into superficial oaths.
With an imaginary magic wand idly held,
winding hearts into knots.

Hope and trust built like the twin towers,
crushed and grinded by terrors in their minds.
Walls of defence shot up to the edges of the sky,
Seemingly impenetratable like the walls of Troy.

And the cycle continues, seemingly never ending.
Weak is the human heart, lessons unlearnt.
Lies and deceit wormed through again,
Raw flesh rubbed with salt.

When you find arms that will hold you at your weakest,
Eyes that will see you at your ugliest,
Lips that will kiss you in both instances
And a heart that will love you at your worst,
Then you've found true love.

Day 1

He is just standing there, like he has always been. Alone, buried in his own thoughts. I wish I could just decipher him, this complicated, incomprehensive love puzzle.

Day 2

Got to know him through a mutual friend. He seems even nicer that I thought he would be. Just seeing him smile has made my heart melt. I cannot imagine being able to say hi to him. It is amazing what love can do to you.

Day 3

We started talking. We talked about everything under the sun. He was really nice and caring and I began to like him even more. However, feelings of insecurity and inferiority keep creeping over my warm heart, like ice is to sun. Will my heart be warm enough to melt this iceberg? I'm falling in love. Will he catch me?

Don't be too good, I will miss you.
Don't be too caring, I might like you.
Don't be too sweet, I might fall for you.
For it will be hard for me to love you
When you don't love me at all.

Day 4

We arranged to meet up at the concourse in school. He promised the day before to play his guitar and sing for me after my incessant begging. At one empty classroom, only with the sounds of the fan swirling, he sang to me. I fell deeper and deeper, into this abyss of love. What if he's not there to catch me? There might be roses underneath but there are thorns...

I must go now.
Don't hold me with your eyes and
Reach your heart across the room like that
Or my own will break.
Love you? Of course I love you...
That's why I have to go, before you know how much...

But do I have the courage, the strength to let go?
I doubt not.

Day 5

He ignored me. Not only ignoring me, ignoring my presence, my smiles and even my un-proclaimed love. It hurts, hurts a lot. I felt my heart being torn apart. As if it is slowly shredded, peeled apart the way you would peel an apple.

It's when he ignores you, yet you pretend he doesn't.
It's when you know he loves another, yet you still build castles of hope.
It's when you are hurt by him, yet you find excuses for him.

Perhaps he is going through a rough patch, a dark stage in his life. It must be.

Day 6

He started confiding in me. I should be feeling happy as this signifies trust. But he confided about him liking some other girl, even asking me for advice. It feels as if my shredded and peeled heart is being tortured again. Over the same raw wounds, his words scratch it over and over again. I wish I could just tell him I would be there for him, that he is not alone. Those tears welling up in his eyes are like salt to my wounded heart. My heart bleeds. But I can't cry, not in front of him.

I can't tell you I care,
I can't tell you my feelings but it's there.
I can't tell you I want to stay,
I can't tell you I love you 'cause you might go away.

I'm scared, terrified to be exact. I fear rejection.

Day 7

He heeded my advice and gathered courage to go after her. I took my own advice and searched for courage to profess my love for him. I must have been mad to do so. He said sorry and told me to forget him. After saying that he is not the one for me, he went away.

How do I say goodbye to someone I never had?
Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine?
Why is it that I miss someone I could never be with?
Why do I love someone whose love can never be mine?

Day 8

You might never realize how much I miss you when you're not around or how much feelings I actually have for you. It doesn't matter. Love is often about giving, not taking.
But I'm afraid to love again.

buried under, arms restrained
suffocated, body pinned down
drowned in water, dreams afloat

hands outstretched,
reaching to the top.
he shoved me back,
to the end of the cliff.
he disappears.
eyes and darkness meets.
despair rises, blanketed fear.
will i succumb?

love, a wispy leaf.
a gentle sea breeze,
a fragile hope.

love, a heavy hammer.
a giant thunderstorm,
a broken heart.

love, an evil mask.
a veil of lies,
shattered dreams.